I'm crushed by my worthlessness. I am my own downfall. I have familiarized myself with my shortcomings to the point of self-hate--they relentlessly penetrate my conscience and hold me back from living.
I am nothing.
I was nothing.
I will be nothing.
Jesus in me is always something.
It is not one of those somethings that loses its flavor, that fades, that disappears. Jesus is eternal. My passion for Him is not. It is this fickle passion that loses its flavor, that fades, and eventually disappears, not God.
I'm relieved that our faith is not a faith of feelings. I am reassured that despite inescapable indifference towards or insatiable hunger for Him, I will never lose my place in Christ. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who experiences dry periods, and that they are to be anticipated.
I'm thankful that we can't be perfect, and that God knows that we can't be perfect. How utterly patient He must be...
I'm grateful that God is not a god of grudges. My flaws are eradicated through Christ. My worthlessness is overlooked without hesitation; in resentment's place I find outspread, bloodied arms and the joyful tears of a returned-prodigal's father.
I'm humbled to know that even our stumbles make God smile. I'm inspired to know that He wants more. I'm dumbfounded that He has found use for even me, one of so fragile faith, in His master plan.
"I'll be by your side whenever you fall,
In the dead of night whenever you call.
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you."
-"By Your Side" Tenth Avenue North
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