A New Path

I've recently been accepted into Grove City College, allowing me to take a breath from my incessant wondering.

It's not that I've been worried about not matching the GCC standards; oh no, it goes much deeper. My problem was insecurity about my applying as "early decision," which stipulates that, should I be accepted, I am thereby committed to attend.

The choice was between Grove City (located in Grove City, PA) and Cedarville (in Cedarville, OH. Aptly named, no?). I was torn almost entirely in half. On the one hand, I have many close friends who attend/plan to attend Grove City, and all have raved about it. Located on a gorgeous campus in Western PA, GCC is also renowned for its genuine spirituality and low tuition. In the opposite corner, Cedarville University seemed to fit every possible desire I could ever come up with--heavy worship focus, countless informal opportunities to join a worship band, brand new journalism major, creative writing minor, study abroad program, the works.

Cedarville: When I visited Cedarville, I myself couldn't even interpret my feelings for the place. At times I found myself excited out of my mind in leu of the opportunities presented there. For instance, there is a group of student worship bands known collectively as Heartsong. It is a legitimate band--complete with salary and summer touring. As is commonly known and understood, worship is my passion and the prospect of joining a real band... well, I can't even put into words how fantastic that would be. In other moments, I felt sick to my stomach, as though something integral was missing from the place. Granted, I didn't personally witness it in action, but the student life struck me as somewhat dry. I returned to Indiana totally confused; how could I be so uneasy about a school that so perfectly fits me?

Grove City: I visited Grove City College some weeks after Cedarville, and was pumped for the trip. Not only was I on my way to my potential home come next year, I also had the chance to spend quality time with some dear friends. I spent a weekend there; campus tour on Saturday, church on Sunday, interview on Monday. Spending the nights in one of my best friend's dorm, I got a taste of student life that I hadn't experienced at Cedarville. The communications program offered more than just writing journalism; a core education of media as a whole combined with any given focus (Spanish, music, Christian thought, etc.) gave the option of personalizing your major. Although no formal student worship bands existed, as at Cedarville, I kept catching myself thinking things like "when I come here..." and "I can see myself..." This didn't happen at Cedarville. What else drew me to this seemingly sub-standard school? A few days prior to the trip, I wrote the drafts of the two Grove City application essays. In the second, the applicant was asked to review the Grove City mission and values and explain why these appealed to him. In one statement, I noted that I expected my college experience to challenge me "academically, socially, and spiritually." Unwittingly, I penned one of the core mission statements of the college. While sitting in the opening speeches, this exact wording was used on numerous occasions. Secondly, while speaking with the communications department, I suddenly became doubtful of Grove City's part in my future. It's such a small school... who would accept my degree? A (sort of silly) suggestion that Cori confronted me with this summer kept popping into my mind: "You should work for National Geographic." Of course, working for NatGeo would be desirable--ideal even. Worried that I would find myself writing for obscure magazines or blogs, a slide appeared on the powerpoint presentation listing internship opportunities. Quickly scanning the page, I immediately spotted "National Geographic" near the top of the list. Another confirmation. Other similar things captivated me, and I became enamored by the tiny, rustic, New England institution. When asked by Amanda (whose dorm I invaded for the weekend) what I thought of the school, I admitted that I was pretty sure that this was the place for me. Upon returning to the Midwest, I finished up revising my application essays and submitted as early decision--which, as previously mentioned, would commit me to attending should I be accepted.

Initially feeling pretty confident (and maybe even a bit cocky) about my action, it only took a few days for me to fully understand what this meant. Looking back at all that Cedarville offered--namely membership in a band, a real, legitimate band, which means just as much if not more to me than my major--I began to regret my early decision. I was scared that I'd screwed up God's will. I kept patting my own back with thoughts like "Psh, who do you think you are? You can't mess up the big guy's plan." Not that it helped at all; I still spent my nights alternating between worry and self-rebuke. How could I have been so rash? Why couldn't I have rationalized my options instead of going with the heat-of-the-moment, follow-your-heart thing? After all, who did that ever help (besides the disney princesses, of course)? I lost all control of preference; I had no idea what I wanted any more.

A few days after returning from Pennsylvania, I received a letter from Cedarville saying that I'd been accepted. Not only that, but I was also eligible for a number of scholarships, drastically reducing tuition to (potentially) even less Grove City's $19,000. What luck! But, if I were accepted into Grove City, all would be lost.

So you see, my anticipation for a letter from Grove City was less of wanting to get into my college of choice, but rather exhaustion from wondering where I would find myself in a matter of months. I was--and still am--stoked about college life as a whole, it was simply the stress of where I would spend those four years, which could make or break the entire experience. Now that I know that I'm going to Grove City, I can proceed with my excitement for college life with a clear(ish) view of the path ahead of me.